About two years ago I wrote some misconceptions about foster care and posted them over the course of 5 days on Facebook. As a result of my 'facebook friends' reading those I had many conversations regarding foster care and 7 of my friends became licensed foster parents. 4 of which are on their way to adopting kid (2 are adopting older kids). I think that is HUGE!!!!

This year I went to re-share those misconceptions and well it was hard to find them in my news feed and was a bit more chaotic. I decided it would be best if they were all in one place. Please read these and comment and SHARE!!!! Get the word out so people can see the truth!! Together we can stomp these misconceptions and find children homes! If you have fears about doing foster care or adopting a child out of foster care that isn't addressed here please email me or comment lets talk through them!

I have included some articles to some great blogs that I have ran across over the years that address some of the issues. I encourage you to read these as well!

Misconception #1- I'm done with the baby stage (or maybe you prefer the baby stage) and what if they give me a baby? You can't pick.

 Reality- You can specify what age/gender/ethnicity you would like to foster, and can say no when called with a placement (actually there are so many kids in fostercare needing homes you will say no alot. You pick which ones 'fit' in your family. As you foster you will see this change for your family as your family changes. For us it started as teens and now I just want a cuddly baby for a while (or forever).

Misconception#2- It would be too hard to send the kids home. (this is one of the biggest ones I hear! Read the supporting blogs!!!)

 Reality- Yes it is!!! I have not had to do this...yet my baby is still here and I get sick to my stomach every time we go to court, but in reality not helping because I am scared of being hurt is selfish. Love and be mom and dad for the days/weeks/months you have them. And some, well they get to stay forever. Also there are MANY kids in fostercare whose parent’s rights have already been terminated and they are just waiting for a mom and dad to 'pick them'. If you don't want the thoughts of them going home, give these kids a home.  The reality is we never know how long we have with our children, even our bios. Enjoy them while you can and realize the time they get with good foster parents could change their lives!! 

Love is always a risk, and the risk is ALWAYS worth it!

Follow up Blogs, These people say it better than I ever could!

I Could Never Do That!

I Could Never Be a Foster Parent

Loving a Child That Might Leave

Misconception #3- I don’t have enough room in my home.

Reality- Yes, you do. Your house doesn’t have to be huge. Foster children are allowed to share rooms with your bio children if the same gender. Just be careful of age differences and make sure your bio children are on board as well. Many of these kids aren’t used to having their own beds, let alone their own rooms. They come with very little stuff often just the clothes on their backs so there is not a lot of room needed, a bed and small dresser will do. Any that you give will be more personal space then they will get in a residential home, which is where many may end up that they are unable to find placements for. Many states require you to have 50 sq ft of space for each foster child. (check with your state and/or licensing organization for specifics in your area)

Misconception #4- Its too expensive to foster/adopt. I can’t afford it.

Reality- The sate gives you a stipend to help with raising a child. (in WV comes out to between $600-700/m) This amount helps to provide food, clothing, diapers etc. Also all children 5 and under qualify for WIC to help with formula and/or healthy foods, if you work the state will pay for childcare. Children keep their medical cards, which pays for all medical, dental, vision and prescription coverage. If you adopt out of foster care most continue to qualify for both their monthly stipend AND ALL keep medical coverage after adoption. If you adopt out of Foster Care the state pays for ALL legal fees (if you pick a lawyer from their approved list) and the IRS even gives you a tax credit of over $12,000 that year (I'm not a CPA please check that this is still available). Speaking of taxes, if you have the child(ren) in your home over 6 months you claim them on your taxes, and your subsidy doesn’t count as income. Obviously don’t do it for the money, cause you won’t get rich or anything, but don’t let the money stop you from making a difference in a child’s life.

Misconception #5- You have to have it all together to be a foster parent.

Reality- LOL!! This cracks me up. Who has it all together??? I remember when we were thinking of having another child after our first was born, we wanted to wait till we were ready. I’m sorry but that would have been never! We could always get better off, in the meantime little kids have no parents, to me that trumps EVERYTHING. Even people who think they are 'ready' really have no clue what that means once the baby arrives that will always be the case when you have another child regardless of age.

Who can be foster parents??  Single parents..yes, gays…yes, anyone who can pass the PRIDE classes and background checks and who is between the age of 21 and 65. You can be an experienced parent or a newbie. You can be a homeowner or a renter. Large home not needed! You don’t have to be rich or even well off just ‘stable’.

Misconception #6- I work FT and so does my spouse.

Reality- The state offers paid childcare during the times you are at work. (Some states don't offer this I hear but WV where I am does) As long as you choose from the list of ‘approved’ providers. Many daycare centers are on the approved list. If you want a relative to watch them, all they have to do is pass a simple background check and fingerprinting.

Misconception #7- Only people that can’t get pregnant foster/adopt.

Reality- Ok so this wasn’t us, but I did kind of think this for a long time. So, not true. My husband and I have 3 bio children. We could possibly have more if we chose, however there are so many children in our community that need homes. We believe this is a commandment of God for each of us to care for the ‘orphans’. There are many parents that become parents through foster care and it’s a great way to do so if you are having trouble becoming parents on your own, however there are many of us that have biological children and choose to still make a difference by choosing to foster/adopt. ( I know this is a sensitive matter to those having trouble conceiving I pray I didn't offend anyone) God has given us MANY ways to become parents. None are better than others and ALL ways are just as fulfilling!

Misconception #8- Fostering is not ‘good’ for the other children in the home.(This one too is a BIG one I still hear ALL the time)

Reality- We get this one a lot, even from close friends/family! 

There is a difference in ‘not being good for them’ and in ‘being hard on them’. Hard on them…yes. 

Isn’t living with anyone else always hard? This is no different. But, not good for them? No. How can seeing their parents put their beliefs in action be bad for them? How can seeing parents walk the walk be bad for kids? My kids get to live out grace, forgiveness, sharing and love in every sense every single day. It’s not easy they share a lot, they sacrifice a lot, but life for them is still much easier than each child that comes into our home has had to endure.

All children are equally worthy of love and families not just mine.

Follow up blogs- Again these people say it better than I can, and are written by Bio children of foster parents...

How Foster Care Wrecked My Life

But for My Mother...

Misconception #9 -Kids in foster care are damaged goods!

Reality- Kids come into care because something unfair has been done TO them, not because they have done something wrong! Children in care are VICTIMS of neglect, abuse, abandonment. Often foster care kids do need a lot of attention/therapy/guidance/different parenting techniques/guidelines/etc. ALL kids have special needs and can thrive in a healthy environment. Many are behind developmentally or socially, but that is one of the amazing parts of being a foster parent, witnessing the change in development once they are in a healthy environment.

NOT DAMAGED

Misconception #10- Someone else will do it!

Reality- God commands each and every one of us to care for the orphans, not just a select few. 

‘Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you’ James 1:27 

“One of the clearest displays of the gospel in this life is when redeemed men and women extend a hand of mercy to children in need and bring them into their families’ Excerpt from Book Orphanology. 

This process is NOT easy, nothing God calls us to is easy that is for sure but in fostering you will learn things about the heart of God that you may not otherwise know.

Currently there are over 5,000 children in the foster care system in West Virginia alone, (over 500,000 total in US) and less than 500 foster families. As you can see there are not nearly enough! Each ear over 1,500 children end up in residential facilities where they are likely to stay until they age out, leaving them without families for the rest of their lives. No one to celebrate good times with, no one to walk them down the aisle, no one to share hard times with, no one to turn to when they need life advice.

My hope is that instead of caseworkers having to decide between placing a child with an already overburdened family or a shelter, they would have options of loving and willing families so they could pick the best fit. This would help foster parents keep from burning out and would also allow children to be in the family that can best meet their needs

Yes, foster care is scary! Your fears are real! Do it anyway!

Read this!- Your fears are real, do it anyway!

Take the plunge, let God Wreck your life! It will never be the same, it will be better!

I'm gunna end this with one of greatest adoption videos I have seen. I watched this video after caring for a young girl out of residential care for Thanksgiving. I love this ladies heart! Grab a tissue and take a peek, its a little long but worth every second of watching!