This year I went to re-share those misconceptions and well it was hard to find them in my news feed and was a bit more chaotic. I decided it would be best if they were all in one place. Please read these and comment and SHARE!!!! Get the word out so people can see the truth!! Together we can stomp these misconceptions and find children homes! If you have fears about doing foster care or adopting a child out of foster care that isn't addressed here please email me or comment lets talk through them!
I have included some articles to some great blogs that I have ran across over the years that address some of the issues. I encourage you to read these as well!
Misconception #1- I'm done with the baby
stage (or maybe you prefer the baby stage) and what if they give me a baby? You
can't pick.
Reality- You can specify what
age/gender/ethnicity you would like to foster, and can say no when called with
a placement (actually there are so many kids in fostercare needing homes you
will say no alot. You pick which ones 'fit' in your family. As you foster you
will see this change for your family as your family changes. For us it started
as teens and now I just want a cuddly baby for a while (or forever).
Misconception#2-
It would be too hard to send the kids home. (this is one of the biggest ones I hear! Read the supporting blogs!!!)
Reality- Yes it is!!! I have not had to do
this...yet my baby is still here and I get sick to my stomach every time we go
to court, but in reality not helping because I am scared of being hurt is
selfish. Love and be mom and dad for the days/weeks/months you have them. And
some, well they get to stay forever. Also there are MANY kids in fostercare
whose parent’s rights have already been terminated and they are just waiting
for a mom and dad to 'pick them'. If you don't want the thoughts of them going
home, give these kids a home. The reality is we never know how long
we have with our children, even our bios. Enjoy them while you can and realize
the time they get with good foster parents could change their lives!!
Love is
always a risk, and the risk is ALWAYS worth it!
Follow up Blogs, These people say it better than I ever could!
Misconception #3- I don’t have enough room
in my home.
Reality-
Yes, you do. Your house doesn’t have to be huge. Foster children are allowed to
share rooms with your bio children if the same gender. Just be careful of age
differences and make sure your bio children are on board as well. Many of these
kids aren’t used to having their own beds, let alone their own rooms. They come
with very little stuff often just the clothes on their backs so there is not a
lot of room needed, a bed and small dresser will do. Any that you give will be
more personal space then they will get in a residential home, which is where
many may end up that they are unable to find placements for. Many states
require you to have 50 sq ft of space for each foster child. (check with your state and/or licensing organization for specifics in your area)
Misconception #4- Its too expensive to
foster/adopt. I can’t afford it.
Reality-
The sate gives you a stipend to help with raising a child. (in WV comes out to
between $600-700/m) This amount helps to provide food, clothing, diapers etc.
Also all children 5 and under qualify for WIC to help with formula and/or
healthy foods, if you work the state will pay for childcare. Children keep
their medical cards, which pays for all medical, dental, vision and prescription
coverage. If you adopt out of foster care most continue to qualify for both
their monthly stipend AND ALL keep medical coverage after adoption. If you adopt out of
Foster Care the state pays for ALL legal fees (if you pick a lawyer from their approved list) and the IRS even gives you a tax
credit of over $12,000 that year (I'm not a CPA please check that this is still
available). Speaking of taxes, if you have the child(ren) in your home over 6
months you claim them on your taxes, and your subsidy doesn’t count as income.
Obviously don’t do it for the money, cause you won’t get rich or anything, but
don’t let the money stop you from making a difference in a child’s life.
Misconception #5- You have to have it all
together to be a foster parent.
Reality- LOL!! This cracks me up. Who has it
all together??? I remember when we were thinking of having another child after
our first was born, we wanted to wait till we were ready. I’m sorry but that
would have been never! We could always get better off, in the meantime little
kids have no parents, to me that trumps EVERYTHING. Even people who think they
are 'ready' really have no clue what that means once the baby arrives that will
always be the case when you have another child regardless of age.
Who
can be foster parents?? Single parents..yes, gays…yes, anyone who can pass the PRIDE classes and background checks and who is between the age
of 21 and 65. You can be an experienced parent or a newbie. You can be a
homeowner or a renter. Large home not needed! You don’t have to be rich or even
well off just ‘stable’.
Misconception #6- I work FT and so does my
spouse.
Reality- The state offers paid childcare
during the times you are at work. (Some states don't offer this I hear but WV where I am does) As long as you choose from the list of
‘approved’ providers. Many daycare centers are on the approved list. If you
want a relative to watch them, all they have to do is pass a simple background
check and fingerprinting.
Misconception #7- Only people that can’t get
pregnant foster/adopt.
Reality- Ok so this wasn’t us, but I did kind
of think this for a long time. So, not true. My husband and I have 3 bio
children. We could possibly have more if we chose, however there are so many
children in our community that need homes. We believe this is a commandment of
God for each of us to care for the ‘orphans’. There are many parents that
become parents through foster care and it’s a great way to do so if you are
having trouble becoming parents on your own, however there are many of us that
have biological children and choose to still make a difference by choosing to
foster/adopt. ( I know this is a sensitive matter to those having trouble
conceiving I pray I didn't offend anyone) God has given us MANY ways to become parents. None are better than others and ALL ways are just as fulfilling!
Misconception #8- Fostering is not ‘good’
for the other children in the home.(This one too is a BIG one I still hear ALL the time)
Reality- We get this one a lot, even from
close friends/family!
There is a difference in ‘not being good for them’ and in
‘being hard on them’. Hard on them…yes.
Isn’t living with anyone else always
hard? This is no different. But, not good for them? No. How can seeing their parents
put their beliefs in action be bad for them? How can seeing parents walk the
walk be bad for kids? My kids get to live out grace, forgiveness, sharing and
love in every sense every single day. It’s not easy they share a lot, they
sacrifice a lot, but life for them is still much easier than each child that
comes into our home has had to endure.
All
children are equally worthy of love and families not just mine.
Follow up blogs- Again these people say it better than I can, and are written by Bio children of foster parents...
Misconception #9 -Kids in foster care are damaged
goods!
Reality-
Kids come into care because something unfair has been done TO them, not because
they have done something wrong! Children in care are VICTIMS of neglect, abuse,
abandonment. Often foster care kids do need a lot of
attention/therapy/guidance/different parenting techniques/guidelines/etc. ALL
kids have special needs and can thrive in a healthy environment. Many are
behind developmentally or socially, but that is one of the amazing parts of
being a foster parent, witnessing the change in development once they are in a
healthy environment.
Misconception #10- Someone else will do it!
Reality-
God commands each and every one of us to care for the orphans, not just a
select few.
‘Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means
caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world
corrupt you’ James 1:27
“One of the clearest displays of the gospel in this
life is when redeemed men and women extend a hand of mercy to children in need
and bring them into their families’ Excerpt from Book Orphanology.
This process
is NOT easy, nothing God calls us to is easy that is for sure but in fostering
you will learn things about the heart of God that you may not otherwise know.
Currently
there are over 5,000 children in the foster care system in West Virginia alone,
(over 500,000 total in US) and less than 500 foster families. As you can see
there are not nearly enough! Each ear over 1,500 children end up in residential
facilities where they are likely to stay until they age out, leaving them
without families for the rest of their lives. No one to celebrate good times
with, no one to walk them down the aisle, no one to share hard times with, no
one to turn to when they need life advice.
My hope is that instead of caseworkers having to decide between placing
a child with an already overburdened family or a shelter, they would have
options of loving and willing families so they could pick the best fit. This
would help foster parents keep from burning out and would also allow children
to be in the family that can best meet their needs
Yes, foster care is scary! Your fears are real! Do it anyway!
Read this!- Your fears are real, do it anyway!
Take the plunge, let God Wreck your life! It will never be the same, it will be better!
I'm gunna end this with one of greatest adoption videos I have seen. I watched this video after caring for a young girl out of residential care for Thanksgiving. I love this ladies heart! Grab a tissue and take a peek, its a little long but worth every second of watching!
